Soap and a Penis

Last night I posted on Facebook that apparently the bath soap I buy has to pass the “penis” test! Yes, you read that correctly!


See, picture this:

This is one of my favorite soaps on the market today. It is Aveda’s all natural Rosemary Mint bath soap and the smell is absolutely orgasmic AND it can be yours for $12 at Joe James’ Salon and Day Spa! I mean who wouldn’t want their body parts smelling minty fresh? I do! But, here’s the situation. This soap is also an exfoliate soap, which means that it isn’t the smoothest soap in the world – I love it!

I am also absolutely in love with Soaptopia’s all natural soaps! If I had the money, I would open up the first franchise of Soaptopia in Texas! I would have a little soap boutique and be extremely happy!!!

Sorry, I digress…

Back to my Aveda soap…

One of Mr. Strong’s guilty pleasures is actually taking bubble baths…shhhh…you didn’t hear that from me. The other night in his super hot and relaxing bubble bath he yelled for me to get him some soap. I walked in and told him that the soap is right next to his shoulder. He explained to me that “that is not soap! That shit is too rough!”

Rough?

Seeing the perplexed look on my face, he then began to explain that the all natural soap that I bought doesn’t lather like the old soap and it can’t be used on his penis because it is scratchy!

Hmmmm? Really?

Yes ladies, let me inform you that after 17-1/2 years of marriage, I am just now learning that the soap I buy has to pass the “penis” test!

So, how does the soap actually pass the test?

Here is the most important information of all and why soap is a man’s best friend:

Mr. Strong’s Soap Rules to Pass the Penis Test

1. It cannot be an exfoliate soap. If it cannot be applied directly to the penis for washing without pain and grimacing from its roughness – don’t buy it. (Ladies, if he does use it, be warned that his pain – according to him – can only be taken away “if you kiss it better!”)

2. It has to lather! If you cannot rub it between your hands and get a good lather for washing then don’t buy it! (apparently lather is important because it makes the ACTION of cleaning hinder free. wink…wink)

3. It can’t be a drying soap because smooth and soft skin – over the whole body – is just as important to men. (I mean, who wants a dry crusty penis right? Ewww!)

So, there you go!

Next time you go to the store in charge of buying soap – remember those rules if you are married or have a male companion. Or, do what I am going to do next time Mr. Strong is yelling at me to bring him “the right” soap – act like I can’t hear him and run away to the other room!

Toodles!

Signs and Day 1...

Have you ever stopped to really listen to the Universe? Have you ever really noticed the signs telling you what you need to hear?

Well I have! And boy did they ring in loud and clear over the weekend.

Case in point:

As I was trying to put together this wall shelf over the weekend, my frustration mounted into yelling and screaming at the kids and I might have thrown the instructions a time or two. Then all of a sudden the metal pole ricocheted and hit/cut me over the left eye leaving me in pain and crying.

Sign 1 from the Universe: "Take that! Do I have your attention now?! Chill out, calm down,  and quit taking your anger out on everyone around you! "

This morning after another mostly sleepless night I woke up hungry. Nothing sounded good for breakfast except some hot, fresh, salt and peppered, Whataburger french fries! Yum! So I pulled into Whataburger order me some and as I went to get some and stick them in my mouth, they were the stale, cold, flimsy and soggy! And if you know me, I CAN NOT eat stale, cold, flimsy and soggy french fries! Yes, I was pist!

Sign 2 from the Universe: "How do those taste? You keep bitching about your weight and your clothes not fitting, so here! Let me help you out, since you obviously didn't have the will power to stay out of the drive-thru!"

As much as I would like to bitch-slap the Universe across the face for inflicting physical and emotion wounds on me - all I can say is Thank You!

I see the light...

In addition to my weekend of signs - and those weren't the only ones - I signed the contract to have my kitchen remodeled - beginning today. WooHoo! Like I am not stressed enough!!!!

But, this remodel is going to go smoothly, the work will be high quality and precise and it will run in such a timely manner that it will be best for both parties. I am super excited to finally be opening up my kitchen to the living room!!!!! (doing the cabbage patch...running man...sprinkler...watch out now!) I have wanted this for YEARS people, YEARS!

Here are some pictures from Day 1's work:

Here we go! (And no I do not mean "we" as is me or Mr. Strong.)

WOOHOO!

You can't really tell it, but my breakfast bar will be 12-1/2 feet long!



New Rock Fireplace

 More exciting pictures to come. This will be a short work week and we are leaving town for the holiday, so to everyone out there that has wanted something for YEARS - it is your turn to make it happen! Good luck and if you don't hear from me before Thursday have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

MUUUUWAHHHHH!