Days 316-322 Squishy and Wet!

First, let me write that Easter break was great! We had a wonderful time and it was nice to see family and friends!

Unfortunately, not much has changed on the list of "to do's"! But, who cares?!

Don't get me wrong...I haven't lost my motivation, I have just adopted the positive attitude that "everything shall be accomplished and will come to me at the perfect time in the perfect way..."

Okay, now for today's real post...

Sometimes you just have to suck it up in life and do what has to be done! Sometimes you just have to put on the big girl panties, close your eyes and jump feet first.

Today was that day for me. Today was THE day. Today was my yearly exam...ughhhh.

To all you men out there, this is NOT something we like to experience!

Step 1. Wait for a short time in the waiting room only to be shown to a room, told to undress, so you can wait for an hour naked with Kleenex paper covering what little areas you can creatively use to form around your naked body in the coldest room ever!

So I am waiting there and my stomach is nervous like always - like I could explode with earth shattering diarrhea nervous! Then I do the pre-self evaluation.

Hygiene: check
Grooming: check
Pedicure: check
Self Confidence: waiting outside the door until my clothes can be put back on.

Finally the doctor and nurse come in and the small talk commences and lasts all through the examination - like that really takes my mind off of what is happening! Well maybe a little...

Step 2: Act calm and collective and answer any questions the doctor has with loooooong drawn out explanations in order to delay the next phase.

Step 3: Lie down while trying to keep all pertinent body parts covered with Kleenex paper and take some mental notes during the examination: 1. I should have had that boob job... 2. by the way he is pushing on my abdomen, I am not as far along on my six-pack abs as I thought... 3. I need some lotion...

Step 4: Pretend that I didn't hear the doctor ask me to move to the end and insert my feet into the stirrups. (What? I thought we were done - damn! Silently act mad that I didn't scoot far enough to hang my naked ass off the bench and scream at the nurse to quit staring at my Vajayjay!) I wonder what that image really is...in that particular position, what exactly does the doctor see? Hmmm? One of these days I will find out...don't ask how.

Step 5: Commence with the lube, medical instruments and the appropriately titled Papsmear! Then commence the final ovarian, uterine and cervical exams! And, pray to the Universe that I don't fart or poop through any of it!  

That's wayyyy sexy huh?

When it was over and I could finally get dressed, I was left with longing for a hug or something.

Not really, just kidding.

Actually, all I was left with was squishy and wet. Nothing like being squishy and wet and having to go back to work! Ewww!

BUT, on my way back and to help reduce the OVEREXPOSURE I just experienced, I went and tanned. Yep, getting naked because I want to!

There's nothing like a little artificial sunlight with heels on!

It made me feel a little sexier than Kleenex paper and mental notes!

Whoooooo  Sahhhhhhhh!