Potty Mouth

Yesterday you read that I haven't had time for MY workouts and it has become very frustrating. Last night after work Doodlebug and I sat through the girls' 2 hour long tennis lesson and again for another hour this morning at the crack of dawn.

I'm burnt out. I need energy and the only way I can get the kind of energy I need is by working out.

I'm bitchy...and my endorphins are relaxing on a beach somewhere drinking mojitos without me!

This weekend another tennis tournament, but I have promised myself that I will get in workouts for ME and my bitchy, jiggly ass!

Next week? I will begin weight training with Mr Strong 2-3 times a week.

Oh boy!

This is where I commence to hyperventilate.

But I need the challenge and he will motivate me to the point of spaghetti arms and not feel bad for me. I will get no sympathy from him - none - nada - zilch.

So let's reiterate shall we?

Me

The only picture I could find where you could see my arms...

Not too bad - I have great raw materials to work with...


Mr. Strong

Yum....

Fuck! My asshole just clenched!

I'm so screwed!

I will let you know how my first workout with him goes...that's if I will be able to type again!

Sorry for the "potty-mouth", but I am scarrrrred!

(with a capital F)

I’m Freaking (with a capital F) STARVING!


I’m buried under a growing pile of paperwork at the office!

I’m having “writing” withdraws like a doped up crackwhore on heroin!

I’m getting burnt out on running the girls to tennis every flipping day and weekend!

I’m getting further and further behind on MY workouts!

OH! And I’m freaking STARVING!

So on this happy note, have a good Wednesday everyone!



Update:

A coworker just came to my office and commented on the apple I have on my desk.

My reaction:  “I AM hungry, but I don’t want the stupid apple! I want a Whataburger Patty Melt or Cancun Grill tacos or even Tampicos enchiladas! I don’t want the apple! I always eat apples!” (this is where I commence to throw my arms up and down like a 2 year-old.)



So, the end of the story…

I am eating the Freaking (with a capital F) APPLE!

BOOBS

What can I say...half the world has them.

But that is not the point of my post today. Today I am here recommending a product - and NO I am NOT getting paid! (fuckers)

Growing up, I was the last to develop some - um - boobs - in my family. All through high school I had little, perky, sized B cup, perfectly proportioned breasts! I played every sport in the world and didn't have to worry about "bounce".


Understand...mmmkay?

Well low and behold the most wonderful thing that had (up to that point) ever been resulted from Mr. Strong's penis came about - I became pregnant with Kitty.


It wasn't until I experienced TWO pregnancies and births that my breast grew to over a maternity DOUBLE E size during pregnancy and decided to NOT go completely away afterwards!


(WTF? Thanks MOM for those genes! xoxo)


Anyway, this has been the ending result for many years...








 Let me be clear that I am NOT unhappy by any means, but having them has caused some uncomfortable situations.

For example - and the whole reason for my post - RUNNING!

Before children - no bounce.

After children - BOUNCE!!!!!
I have been on the hunt for the perfect sports bra. Meaning, a bra that I can comfortably run in and not be afraid or self conscious by how much I can feel/see them bouncing!

I am going to go ahead and admit this, but usually when I run I have on a MINIMUM of TWO bras to help alleviate any movement. I've tried them ALL - literally!
Well, one day not long ago, I came across a website for "sports bras for the well endowed" and no I don't mean for a man's penis, so I had to research further.

By the time I left the website, I was talked (read) into buying one. I HAD TOO! The thought of running and not feeling a bounce was too strong...I have needs, people!
I bought it - got it expressed shipped to my house - and tried it out for the first time.

My goal was 5 miles...

And, I made that goal easily!!!!

Here it is! My new sports bra from ENELL! I didn't even have to wear my normal bra underneath it!



IT. DOES. WHAT. IT. CLAIMS. TO. DO!   PERIOD.



 
I highly recommend this to women who worry about their boobs bouncing all over the place while you exercise! The cost IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!

There you go - my BOOBS post.

Now I have to go get ready for the girls' next tennis tournament tomorrow out of town!

Like always - there is laundry to do!!!

Have a great weekend and I hope you find your way to exercising bounce free!

WTF Wednesday

So today’s post has no rhyme or reason – it’s just a WTF Wednesday.


Yesterday the girls had tennis lessons, so Doodlebug and I decided to chill in the truck and watch a movie. By the end of the lesson and the VERY end of my patience I began to smell this horrible, mouth watering, gagging reflex smell! It was somewhere between diarrhea, fresh dog shit and sea food?

Yes you read that correctly! Doodlebug decided to shit his pants! WTF? Really? Why me?!

As the lesson ended, the girls took off to run a mile (as previously instructed and before I could yell at them that we needed to leave) while their coach headed my way. (Okay, I am thinking to myself and secretly hoping that he is headed to HIS car because I know that he is going to smell this awful smell as soon as I roll down the window and he is going to think it is me!)

No such luck, he comes to the truck and my mind is racing. The whole time he is talking about the girls’ progression, all I can think about is “please quit talking and go away! My son has had an explosion in his pants and I am about to puke from the smell - I KNOW you can smell it!”

Again, no such luck. The coach is going on and on while Doodlebug is yelling at me “Poop, Mommy, POOP!” All of my attempts to ignore his yelling failed and when I looked back at him, he was holding up a finger covered in shit! WTF!!!????

(I wanted to get out of the truck and run away crying and screaming - nooooo, noooooo, NOOOO.)


I politely kept nodding at what the coach was saying and reached back and cleaned off his finger with a napkin. (By this point I was mortified and the coach was laughing, so I excused ourselves and went to pick up the girls on their run.)

(Oh, and I must have been sending out the most negative energy waves I could think of, because this little fiasco was the most challenging test of my patience so far! Here I am driving down the road to pick up the girls, while yelling at Doodlebug to keep his fingers OUT of his shit – all the while trying not to hurl from the rancid lactose intolerant smell!!!!! )

I get him home, hose him off and leave again to go meet Mr. Strong at the restaurant. When we get to the restaurant, Mr. Strong asked the girls how their lesson went and then looked at me and asked if I ran while they got their lesson because I looked like I had been “really” sweating!    WTF???!!!

(Um, no! This is how I always look after I have been barricaded in a vehicle with rotten, mouth watering, eyes tearing up, drool commencing, overpowering, and finger dancing SHIT!!!!!!!!!)

Apparently, I should look very sexy after that – I know…WTF???!!!


The joys of having children…I guess I am learning the hard way what it is like to have a potty training, lactose intolerant, 3-year-old son with no bathrooms in sight!

And get this, through all of my yelling and weak stomach and gagging! he was laughing and happy the whole time!



WTF people???!!! WTF???!!!



WoooooSahhhhh!

(happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts!)

Workouts and Tennis

Kitty won the Championship Tennis match this weekend! WhooHooo!

Also, my WORKOUTS page has been updated!

Finally!

Go work check it out!

A note to remember...

This picture has nothing to do with this post - I just found my certificate and wanted to PROVE to you all that I did in fact get certified as I did not post it earlier.

I am experiencing a scattered brain moment...please stay tuned.


Good afternoon my pretties!

So, we are getting ready to leave for yet another tennis tournament out of town. I am excited to be leaving and to have some more time off from work - the hotel is calling my name!!!!!!

As with all trips there is packing involved and decisions to be made. What do I wear? Will this fit? Do I need to take extras?

The problem with packing in my household is that there are two additional females with their own opinions.

My 12 and 15 year old daughters are almost as ridiculous as I USED to be! (actually, I learned from them how NOT to be anymore...)

Nothing fits - or it will not fit right after I eat - or I don't want those kind of tan lines - it just goes on and on!

Finally I sat them down and reiterated some of the Secret's Law of Attraction stuff - which by the way, was met with rolling eyes and accommodating nods.

"When you look at yourself and feel dissatisfaction about any part of you, you will continue to attract feelings of dissatisfaction, because the law mirrors back to you exactly what you are holding inside. Be in awe and wonder at the magnificence of you!"

My little speech didn't work, because they resumed (behind their bedroom door - like I couldn't hear...) with "that skirt is too short, too big, not the right color - that shirt is too tight, too big, blah, blah, blah!"

I mean really people - it doesn't get anymore clearer than what I just wrote - right?

I finally told them that I was going to make them play in mu mu dresses to ensure the coverage of all the areas that they were just griping about!

That suggestion didn't work....

So I offered to take them to the school so they could run 5 miles.

That one didn't work either...but it made them laugh!

So here is a note to remember...when you have children, buy them only 5 outfits at the beginning of each school year and you won't have to fight or argue over what fits - they will naturally (subconsciously) stay at the weight needed to fit into those 5 outfits!

Of course this is MY theory.

I should have thought of this sooner as it appears I have passed on my clothing sickness to my daughters - as a result of buying new clothes instead of doing laundry.

Any Therapist out there?

I could be a Foot Model

Okay here it is...probably the dumbest post I have ever written. Remember a few days ago when I bragged that I totally could be a foot model? And made a mental note to post pics so that every one of y'all could agree? Well here it is...instead of filling you in on all of my 4th of July shenanigans - here are my feet.

Out of all of my body parts, I LOVE (no I mean LOVE) my feet! Most people love their eyes, their hair, their boobs, or even their legs, but NO! I love my feet!

With my feet, I never have to worry about a bad hair day and they NEVER have fat days - which makes shoe shopping all the more fun!

Here we go!

Here they are! My feet - while driving of course. They are not only functional but also beautiful to look at! :-)

They are not gross with toe fungus so I can even tickle Doodlebug with them!

(Yes, I am actually portraying my feet as actors...told you this post was dumb!)

I can write with my feet - or just "pose" like they are writing - oh yeah...my skills are bind-boggling!

I can make them look like they are reading...my toes are in perfect half moon symmetry...sigh...

I can wear the hottest shoes EVER!!!!!! My feet totally make these shoes look better! I was born to wear Jimmy Choo's!

I love wearing thongs - and no I don't mean butt floss - I love wearing summer shoes!

I had to throw in the playful "summer" picture with some really pretty grass (from my front yard). I swear my feet are perfect!

And this post wouldn't be complete without the innocent super model freeze frame with a little summer bling!

Okay people, if you have made it this far, you need to realize that you just read a blog post based solely on my beautiful, model feet! Which makes me realize that I am not the only "desperateforalittleentertainment" person out there!

I might not be a foot model, but dammit I could be!

xoxo



(Please forward this blog on to designers, directors and producers of high-end and very expensive shoes! No need to pay me millions for my beautiful feet - I will work for shoes!)