This morning – rain, so we run tonight.
Last night – Zumba for the first time EVER!
Okay, before I get into my Zumba story, let me start by (tooting my own horn) saying that I CAN dance. I was blessed with mad skills and a talent that makes most people jealous (toot, toot). But, just as Jillian Michaels burst my “I’m doing so great” bubble, Zumba completely destroyed my dancing ego!
The girls and I get to the class and my friend (same one) is waiting for us with her daughter in the back. We are in this huge gym and the class is full! The girls are super excited because they have performed Zumba in their previous P.E. classes at school and LOVED it! I know I’m going to do good because – well that’s how talented I am…
Class begins and I think to myself, this isn’t so bad. Then the music picks up…I no longer had a direct vision line of the instructor. I’m standing still asking, “Wait, what is she doing?” Kitty is laughing at me because I am doing the arm movements but not the leg movements - because it turns out that the closer you are to the instructor you get to see how to do the moves, but the further you are away, you have to rely on the people in front of you to know what is going on. (huge mistake!) I got so frustrated because remember – I CAN DANCE! I kept thinking to myself “If this big lady in the pink shirt would just MOVE, then I could see what was going on!” Shish! My ego was quickly dwindling away, so I started adding my own moves.
• You’re going to do a quick ball chain – I’m doing the running man – oh yeah, look at me – oh, you want to go the other direction do you – running man, running man! Bring it on! You want to stop and move your torso like that? I can do that too! See this, I know you see this!? You want to do that with that part of your body? Okay, I’m doing the MC Hammer – you can’t touch this! You want to move in circles shaking and groovin’ ? I’m doing the electric s-l-i-d-e… Arms in the air – I can do that! Breathe-------------------
End of round one. The girls are laughing so hard and Kiki is telling the whole gym that she doesn’t know who I am! We are drenched with sweat, but we all are having a good time!
Round two! The next moves were easy enough to follow and I kept griping that I couldn’t see anything. My friend told me to watch this other big lady in black because she knew all the moves. I started doing everything that she was doing and realized that maybe she was a little too big to add the bounce to the rhythm of the music. I get frustrated again! By this time, I am dancing like a spasmatic idiot having a seizure OR I am just standing there scratching my head. This is not acceptable! So, in my head, I was “battling” the instructor.
• You want to go sideways, move your arms in the air and kick your leg? Take this! Robot, robot – sprinkler – bring it back- I’m bad! I can’t see you anymore, but you want to go in circles? Okay – to the window-to the wall-sweat drip down my b.lls! (taken off of the Proposal for those that have no idea what this is-Sandra Bullock dancing in the woods) Anyway, just in that instant my friend says “I’m sweating so bad – if I had b.lls, I would be sweating from those too!” Funny, funny! You want to go from side to side moving your arms – okay – bounce, bounce, cabbage patch – slide, slide, cabbage patch! I soooo got this! You want to get down in a downward dog position and walk it out? Okay – never mind – I’ll just watch! (There was no way that if I got down on the floor, I was coming back up!) You want to squat down and shake you assets and pump your arms? I can do that too! Check me out – oh yeah – whoo-whoo!
Right about this time, I thought I was going to faint! Luckily it was over! Just for the record, these weren’t the only awesome dances I did – I was able to see her some of the time and TRY to do what she was doing! I can promise you that next time – I will be prepared! Kitty said that she got more of a workout laughing at me than anything else! Oh well – humor, fun and laughter at my expense is worth seeing the smiles on my girls’ faces. We ALL burned a lot of calories in that hour…
It doesn’t end there though…
We get home last night and the girls immediately start telling the hubby what I was doing! He is laughing and asking me to show him my moves, but I was playing it off and saying “you don’t want any of this – I’m bad azz!” The thought of my performance kept bothering me – I KNOW I am better at dancing than the uncoordinated, shaking, idiot that I just portrayed! So, I go to my bathroom mirror and start dancing! That’s the problem! I have several layers of fat that hide my total talented dancing hotness! CRAP! I keep looking at my body – In my head I’m popping and locking and dropping it like it’s hot! But, in the mirror, I’m clinging and jerking and the more my body jiggles the more my boobs and butt are less defined and all over the place! I give up trying to make my moves more fluid and precise-looking! It was making me mad…
Oh, don’t get me wrong! I still have it! I just need to uncover it a little more so the rest of the world will believe me!
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