I could write a book about how I feel about this morning’s workout, but I am STILL mad. The conversation I had with the girls went something like this: “okay, today is all YOU again – you can put as much or as little effort as you want towards the results you WANT.” I heard Kiki say something like “really?” – Almost like she was being quizzed or something. The only thing I knew for sure when we arrived at our destination this morning, was that I WAS NOT going to pass them. The friend and CL are there too, so off we went…to make a long, enraged and angry story short, our morning workout went something like this:
Kiki – she runs (out front with CL and the friend) the WHOLE 1st mile and all but about a minute of the 2nd mile and more than half of the 3rd mile! I was so impressed with her! She was bursting with accomplishment when Kitty and I came WALKING (as slow as a freaking SNAIL) up after the 1st mile was over. Kiki performed exceptional this morning!
Kitty – she begins to run at the same time everyone else did and then decided to quit when the other three pulled about 30 feet ahead of her. Then she walks and walks and walks. I am PIST! I told myself NOT to yell (I don’t think any of you realize how hard this is for me…) – she will get on the scale in the morning and see what her efforts all week have produced and then maybe – MAYBE – she will want to work harder!!!!! I had to stay behind her about 30 feet (for her safety) because I could feel the angered energy building up inside me wanting to YELL at her to run with every gaining step. But, I didn’t! I let her do whatever she wanted – when she ran (which totaled to about a minute) I ran – when she walked – I walked.
I knew she could feel my eyes burning a hole in her back! I wanted so badly to run up behind her like a three-year-old toddler and push her down for no reason other than I was mad. Grrrr!!! (Again, I DIDN’T, shish!)
She walked the ENTIRE 2nd mile and when we reached the end, everyone else was way into the 3rd mile, so I told her “Don’t even bother – go sit on the bleachers.” She made a comment about her leg hurting and that ALMOST pushed me over the edge. I responded very subdued with an “I don’t care – your leg today, your side yesterday, your head the day before, your arms, your chest – it is always something – you have an excuse for everything.” (I didn’t even yell all of that at her…umm uh.) I simply told her afterwards, that she will no longer be in charge of her own workouts, BUT if she wanted to chose to not get up in the morning and come with us – that is fine.
This past week she has acted like she is being forced to get up and workout and hasn’t wanted to put any effort into her performance, so I will give her the same option that I and every other person has in this world – to either get up or stay in bed! I’ve wrote before that the fact that a person is willing to “show up” to a workout is commendable, but in this case – she is acting like she doesn’t get that choice. No more - I DO NOT have the patience to wait for her light bulb to flicker on with the reality that SHE and SHE only – can determine the results she wants.
So here you go Kitty – here is the Magic Freaking Wand that you have been waiting for – it’s called your ATTITUDE!
Wave it, spin it, and sprinkle it with fairy dust because your attitude is the magic wand that turns your wishes into reality and here’s a secret for you – YOU are the only one that can control it!
Anyone else out there feeling the desperation of “wanting something better” (for your child) more than they do?
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