Soap and a Penis

Last night I posted on Facebook that apparently the bath soap I buy has to pass the “penis” test! Yes, you read that correctly!


See, picture this:

This is one of my favorite soaps on the market today. It is Aveda’s all natural Rosemary Mint bath soap and the smell is absolutely orgasmic AND it can be yours for $12 at Joe James’ Salon and Day Spa! I mean who wouldn’t want their body parts smelling minty fresh? I do! But, here’s the situation. This soap is also an exfoliate soap, which means that it isn’t the smoothest soap in the world – I love it!

I am also absolutely in love with Soaptopia’s all natural soaps! If I had the money, I would open up the first franchise of Soaptopia in Texas! I would have a little soap boutique and be extremely happy!!!

Sorry, I digress…

Back to my Aveda soap…

One of Mr. Strong’s guilty pleasures is actually taking bubble baths…shhhh…you didn’t hear that from me. The other night in his super hot and relaxing bubble bath he yelled for me to get him some soap. I walked in and told him that the soap is right next to his shoulder. He explained to me that “that is not soap! That shit is too rough!”

Rough?

Seeing the perplexed look on my face, he then began to explain that the all natural soap that I bought doesn’t lather like the old soap and it can’t be used on his penis because it is scratchy!

Hmmmm? Really?

Yes ladies, let me inform you that after 17-1/2 years of marriage, I am just now learning that the soap I buy has to pass the “penis” test!

So, how does the soap actually pass the test?

Here is the most important information of all and why soap is a man’s best friend:

Mr. Strong’s Soap Rules to Pass the Penis Test

1. It cannot be an exfoliate soap. If it cannot be applied directly to the penis for washing without pain and grimacing from its roughness – don’t buy it. (Ladies, if he does use it, be warned that his pain – according to him – can only be taken away “if you kiss it better!”)

2. It has to lather! If you cannot rub it between your hands and get a good lather for washing then don’t buy it! (apparently lather is important because it makes the ACTION of cleaning hinder free. wink…wink)

3. It can’t be a drying soap because smooth and soft skin – over the whole body – is just as important to men. (I mean, who wants a dry crusty penis right? Ewww!)

So, there you go!

Next time you go to the store in charge of buying soap – remember those rules if you are married or have a male companion. Or, do what I am going to do next time Mr. Strong is yelling at me to bring him “the right” soap – act like I can’t hear him and run away to the other room!

Toodles!