You give and forget – and on the other side – you never forget the gift.

WARNING:

Law of Attraction post ahead.

Go ahead and roll your eyes and change the screen on your computer if you have to, but this has to be put into print and out of my mind so I can concentrate on the Crossfit workout I am currently avoiding.

Most people celebrate the month of Thanksgiving by posting, sharing or texting 30 days of thanks and I try to do that every day of my life, so I really don’t directly participate. But, what I do intentionally celebrate is the month of December with 31 days of giving. Most of the time it’s pretty small – in my eyes. For convenience, I usually buy the person’s meal or drink behind me wherever I go. And the kids and I like to go eat breakfast at one little restaurant by our house where they get to pick a table each, so we can buy those people’s meals as a small token of our own blessings – paying it forward.

Not just because the Law of Attraction is written so, I actually firmly believe that the more you give, the more you receive. And I also firmly believe, that you can’t truly give a person a small token of your own blessings with reciprocal intent in your thoughts.

You give and forget – and on the other side – you never forget the gift.

I was raised poor. I was raised by a single mom with 3 siblings that struggled to do the best she could. No parent is perfect, but I learned how to be the strong independent woman I am now from my mother. I have a close family. We argue and fight and can’t stand each other sometimes, but when the walls come down, there’s no greater force of love you will ever conquer. My mom was a giver. We didn’t have much, but she would share with those that needed it and she often went broke just trying to cover her “tithing”.  I think this is why even though there were so many rough times; they were always followed by the most wonderful times.

We didn’t always have money, food, water, electricity or a telephone, but my childhood was never lacking. We always had a roof over our head - A mother that loved us with every beat of her nerve-wrecked heart - Grandparents who adored us (most of the time) ;-) – summer family vacations – massive holiday gatherings – sleepovers - and ongoing various competitive sporting events.

We didn’t have a lot of material things, but the greatest gift we had was life. We had so much life during those hard times and my family has so much love, that looking back you forget the hard times as grudges and move them to healthier lessons learned. ( I really do love my family...sigh*)

We are all introduced to the Law of Attraction at birth. We learn to recognize it and if you are like me, who recognized it later on in life, you can look back and see it has always been there.

I don’t give each day this December hoping I get more in return. I give for the mental images of surprising looks of happiness, smiling wide across their faces.

And that makes my heart full of joy - knowing my small gesture of giving – put it there.

May you be filled with joy and blessed by the Law of Attraction by practicing random acts of kindness for all the days of your life.

Today's moment & purpose

Sometimes the hardest part of writing is getting the first words from your head to paper. I struggle with writing several blog posts a day – in my head!

 I see something, take a picture, feel something or even read something and BOOM! Blog post! Unfortunately, I am working, driving or otherwise engaged and can’t take it from my imagination to paper in that very moment.

And I believe life is all about moments - snapshots in time – memories that never fade.

Here on my blog I write a lot about moments in my life. Moments from adventures, inspiration or beliefs…

I used to think that this blog was for entertainment only, but I discovered that one of the real reasons I write is to make people feel something. Whether it’s temporary entertainment, comedic laughter, heartfelt sadness or inspiration, I write to make people feel.

I think that when people stop and take a moment to read something that actually makes them feel any of the various emotions in this world, a connection of energy happens. And usually, that connection of energy is positive. It can be inspirational motivation, happiness or even compassion. (Don’t we need more positive energy in the world?)

I may have written this before, but when I was in college, that hardest assignment I ever received was to answer the following question? What is your purpose in this life (that transcends through every age)?

My written response was “A practitioner of enlightenment”. At the time, my reasons for writing those fancy words stemmed from being a middle child with years of mediating fights between my siblings or constantly being called upon to give my unbiased opinion to help people see logic. I was always the person to help people “understand” or “comprehend” without turbulent emotions getting in the way.

Over the past few years I have discovered the priceless knowledge regarding the Law of Attraction. I can comfortably tell people with exact precision why their lives are the way they are. I think my answer to that assignment in college many years ago, still holds true today.

I write this today, in this moment, because I think every single person out there has a unique purpose, ability or calling if you will. This purpose, ability or calling is something that moves you like nothing else in life. It fills you with fire, passion and drive.

Today is as good of day as any to explore that purpose, ability or calling you have within you, and create a small bubble of happiness that can only expand beyond your wildest imagination with repetition.  

xoxo

 

For Macy

Magdalena "Macy" Kiker IV

06/12/2003 to 11/07/2013

My dearest Macy,

Today your life's energy transformed. You blessed our family with more than 10 years of your unconditional love. I will never be able to repay you for your love and affection and the way you so freely gave it.  You were the quiet one - the runt of the group - when your dad and I picked you out. We chose to bring you home  along with the your most lively sibling, so that her energy would compliment you and help you develop the social skills needed to be loved by someone other than your birth mother. And knowing that our careers and human children would keep us away most of the day, we didn't want you to be alone. We will never forget the day we brought you and your sister Lexi home...

Over the past 10 years, you have graciously let Lexi take the spotlight, but you never let us forget your love by bumping your nose into our hands to help remind us there were two of you. You were always so calculating with your affection and generous spirit - always letting go of your hesitations at just the right time. I hate that I can't take back the years of not being able to snuggle with you wrapped up on my lap or in my bed. But please know that I will NEVER forget you and the way you helped make your human siblings feel safe and secure after school when mom and dad were at work. You patrolled the perimeter and made your way back to the fireplace at ease knowing "all was good".  Or the times dad was working late nights and I brought you in the house to stand guard in his absence, so I could get a little sleep.

I loved you the moment I laid my eyes on you and knew that you were mine. I love you still. I'll love you always.

For Macy

We wish we could have told you,
in words you'd understand,
We wanted you to stay with us.
This wasn't what we'd planned.

We wish somehow to tell you,
How empty we now feel.
A part of us went with you,
A part that time can't heal.

We wish we'd once more hear you,
in your softly, rumbling purr,
to hold you on our laps again
and stroke your darken fur.

We wish we had you back again,
to fill this empty space.
But one day we'll be together
in a far, far better place.



I am heartbroken that you are gone and over my shortcomings as your mom, as a result from being very allergic to you. But, my heart swells just enough to tell the world that I am the luckiest person in the world to have know your love and energy. I am honored to have experienced 10 years of memories that will last a lifetime. You will be missed more than words can express.

Thank you Macy.

Thank you for it all...

I love you.

Inspiration from the cool breezes of fall and a trilogy in the making.

It's been a while since I was here, so first and foremost - I apologize.

I haven't been on here, but I assure you I have been writing - and it's going to be HUGE - I can feel it deep into my bones.

And it's going to be a trilogy...shhh.

The cool breezes of fall have me inspired to conquer the world and I am sooo ready. In the evolution of life and work and family you realize that evolution means change and change is constant. Looking into the future I know to take advantage of what is here in the present - and I assure you I am doing everything possible.

Current perspective mixed with a bright exciting future is fuel for my greatness.

I haven't written or read anything that could define "me" better than who I am in this very moment:

"Optimism seeps from every pore of my body. I truly believe what’s supposed to happen… will. In that regard, I don’t know how to give up; it’s not part of my biological make-up.

I’m a passionate (and some would say overly enthusiastic) individual. I learn by doing (and have been burned more times than I’d like to admit). But I will always throw my entire self into whatever I do – fail or succeed.

I think this is evident when I write. I leave nothing behind, and spill it all out onto the pages. I give it all to my readers – love it or hate it.

The path I’m on is very often my own. Sometimes I veer off at the sight of something more interesting or captivating and get caught in the vines and thorns in order to experience the beauty and intrigue others often pass by. And I always meet the most interesting people along the way…"

The cool breezes of fall have really stirred it up this time...

There's a lot going on!

In a world full of chaos, I am happy to welcome the chaos that is my life. I am blessed – and have a lot going on – and I’m behind on spring cleaning – but mostly, I am blessed.

Doodlebug started Kindergarten and I only cried for 24 hours. I did wait until I got back into the car from walking him into class to start though – I’m such a controlling badass that way.

Kat has a full load this year as a junior. Taking college courses is going to be a breeze compared to her elective course in Culinary Arts. ? I know! Right! She sat at the table after the first day of school and said in her most exciting voice “We are going to actually get to cook!” Then she not-so-jokingly said “Maybe my teacher will give me extra credit mom, if she knew you just Googled how to boil an egg. Maybe she will feel sorry for me knowing I haven’t been predisposed to the art of cooking.” That my dear child just may work – my daughter is a genius folks! This will be one class that if she makes a bad grade, I won’t complain, and maybe? I will even take the credit…

 

Kiki is now in High School…another tear. She has committed to a distinguished degree plan and hasn’t even bitched about me forcing her to play tennis once! Maybe it’s because she knows she needs 1.5 PE credits to graduate high school? Or maybe she has concluded that her incessant laziness has sparked a mommy demon from the depths of hell of which the likes she doesn’t want to deal with anymore? Probably the latter, since she started Crossfit with me. She totally rocks!

Mr. K has been involved with opening his own company and making me one of the proudest wife’s EVER! I admire him for having the courage and the same vision as I of getting rich and retiring! Ummm just to clarify, that’s just me retiring, not him. Well ok – maybe we don’t share the same vision. That’s okay. He has been doing a wonderful job juggling start-up, new clients and success. And you know what? It’s only going to get better! Whoop! Whoop! So cheers to you honey for making dreams a reality! Xoxo

Today – in this moment – I express gratitude.

Life is good!

Why I love crossfit.

I’ve been doing Crossfit for a few weeks now and I can honestly say I. Love. It.

(When I don’t do it – I’m bitchy. This my friends is how I know Crossfit is changing my body for the better. My endorphins have been put into overdrive and they no longer like the slow lane, whereas before? they were dormant and bitched about too much activity in the slow lane!)

Crossfit challenges me. What I think I love best is the unpredictability of its workouts. It’s never boring and it pushes me to compete with myself. Eventually I will find the athlete that once existed, but for now, I am happy ending every workout in the hurling position with sweat dripping from my nose – it feels great!

I’ve also had Kiki doing the workouts with me. It’s not a competition about which person will finish first or faster – we workout against ourselves - to beat our previous scores. She played tennis for 6.5 hours the other day and still asked if we could do the crossfit workout too! I would venture to guess that she really likes it...

I can almost write that I think I am totally in love with Crossfit – I’m sure as I get stronger, I will write those very words one day.

What I’ve learned very quickly regarding Crossfit is that it is sneaky and progression happens like this:

Maybe on one of your first days you happen to perform a workout that requires you to log how many pushups or sit-ups you can do within a certain amount of time. Then you don’t do them again for two weeks. Then you walk in to find you need to once again log how many pushups or sit-ups you can do within a certain amount of time and you think to yourself “it will be the same – I haven’t done any more in two weeks!” and maybe you get discouraged a little. You begin the workout and recognize that you’ve doubled your numbers from the first time. Reality strikes - it dawns on you that every different exercise you had done within those two weeks was ALSO helping develop the muscular strength and endurance you needed to perform pushups and sit-ups.

You might even smile secretly to yourself --- knowing you are becoming a badass. ;-)

Daydreaming about a wedding and knowing what I know now.

Everyone that reads my blog or knows me knows that I am a sunrise type of person – fully appreciating the miracle that a new day brings. It’s an opportunity to create a new life, or a new chance to drink in the moments and people that make your life already beautiful.

 

 

Daydreaming now...I have always thought that your wedding sets the tone of how your marriage will be. I used to tell myself that if I was to ever have a wedding of any size it would be at sunrise on the banks of somewhere beautiful - preferably on the beach where the mountains meet the ocean surrounded by close family and friends. We’d get the depth of the ocean and the strength of the mountains and in the middle – metaphorically - we’re standing on the beach between un-imaginary depths of love and unrealized strength that would carry us into a magnificent married life full of both. As the sun rose, we would speak our own vows and then instead of having a reception immediately afterwards, we would spend the day exploring exciting new things we only thought possible in our dreams. The reception would be at sunset, after a fun-filled day of adventure and new experiences. We would toast the special people in our lives and express our gratitude for them and for all the new exciting adventures that were waiting in our life together. The reception would be intimate. It would involve just the right amount of good food, great drinks, the best of friends and family, a lot of laughter and some dancing. It’s the perfect combination that would allow each of us to fully relax and experience what was happening in the moment and give us the ability to go back to our room and make love – and still remember it all in the morning.

***Sigh***

Think back to your wedding day, and the moments when you got married. Does it reflect the tone of your marriage today?

 

(I would be a perfect wedding planner!...just saying.)

Madonna who? Oh you've gone and done it now...

As I was snapping away I yelled at them to “vogue”!

Then slowly the smiles faded and a look of confusion settled in – what the whaaa? “Vogue?”

Oy!  I started to explain it, but then thought to myself. “They don’t know how to vogue? I have failed as a mother and as an aunt – shame on me.”

You can bet they got a full “vogue-ing” education when we arrived back at the hunter’s lodge! Now they know what it means to strike a pose.

My job is done.

Sometimes the mood passes all too quickly.

Pick a picture! Any picture!

And then this one showed up.

 

A sign from the Universe?

I think so.

The meaning behind these words can be applied to every aspect of our lives.

Eating (raw) Healthy?  

“Of course! Until I smell any other food in the air – any other food – I mean ANY other food.”

Working out?

“Abso-freaking-lutely! Until I have a stressful day at work and crave wine. Or I’m tired from not getting enough sleep or just ANY other excuse I can pull from thin air!”

Getting your house organized?

“Well, DUH!!! Until, EVERYONE ELSE piles their shit everywhere and then why the hell should I keep going? Those assholes – how dare them?”

I could totally go on and on and add more aspects of my life here especially Having sex every night? But then you would get bored reading about all that.

So STOP. Read it again and think about the aspects of your life that it relates to.  Are you committed?

I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m tired of letting the mood pass and doing nothing.  I’m sick of allowing myself to wallow in self-doubt because…because…because?

Didn’t your parents HATE that excuse when you were little or even now as parents ourselves? “Doodlebug, why did you throw that tennis ball and hit your sister in the head? Because… “

It’s so irritating.

I think true commitment comes from perspective. A perspective that each of us are meant to have, do and be anything our imagination can create. A perspective that we are entitled to the greatness we covet in others. A perspective that we deserve all the riches and success this world has to offer.

And shame on anyone else that would place a judgment which would require us to think anything less of ourselves – including our own judgment.

It’s all about learning to maintain that perspective with every choice we make.

So, may you find that perspective (commitment) and never let the mood pass.

Remembering what it is like to write.

I’m trying to get back to this mentality in the most positive and inspiring way possible. I am almost there…

Today is July 17, 2013. Over a month ago Adventures in K World celebrated its three year anniversary and none of you knew – I didn’t even post about it. Matter of fact, it’s been about 2 months since I published a post.

To say that I’m slacking would be an understatement. This blog is my therapy and I can’t even seem to find the time to keep myself sane.

Over the 4^th of July weekend, I was reminded several times that I haven’t written in a while. I know. I know. Actually, I’ve been working on this post since the 9^th. It’s pitiful.

And what is more pitiful is that this is the entire post…until next time...

My mood will be better and my perspective will have returned to inspire the world – or maybe just the 1mm people reading my blog. ;-)

The greatest support for my evolution

Transition: Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been in transition for a while now.

1.  Learning about and trying to live by the Law of Attraction.

2. Learning about and getting qualified to become a Certified Personal Trainer.

3. Learning about and trying to become a 90% raw foodist.

I have been working on #1 for a couple of years and although I am not a master, I am consciously aware of the energy I am putting out into the Universe.  And I might add, that the LOA has made me a better communicator and counselor to those in my life.

I have also been working on #2 for a couple of years and have the knowledge and drive it takes, but with my busy family and career, I have failed to follow through consistently on the actions of taking care of myself the way I needed to. I am a Certified Personal Trainer, however, I'm trying not to let my bad choices be the determining factor on whether I succeed at teaching others in the future – I will not give up.

Number 3 is a little different. I have only been working on this one for a few months and although I was successful in my first attempt, life happened and I gradually slipped out of the habit. This time around, I have discovered green smoothies and have a whole different motivation for sticking to eating for the way my body needs to be nourished.

I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to be the best person that is in me. So, does it mean that I’m a hypocrite if you catch me eating a cheese burger sitting in my car in the parking lot of my gym while dressed in a business suit?   No….it means I am still in transition.

 

 

May all of your transitions in life be smooth and complete.

A momentary break

I can type again – and not just with my tongue! Yay!

Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the flowers. Or in my case with this horrible sinus and ear infection, take a picture.

We get so caught up in our lives that we forget to stop and live within our lives.

So today, I am giving you a break from the ho-hum routine and inviting you to stop and look up to see the LIFE that surrounds you.

 

Happy Tuesday!

My delusional reality.

So it’s been 16 days since I posted that I was going to start the Insanity Workout on the 17^th, so  I felt like I owed everyone an update.

And to be honest, I didn’t really see what the fuss was all about my first week.

Day 1 was a freaking BREEZE! I didn’t even get up the next morning sore.

Day 2 was even easier – I guess it was because I had moved so much the day before?

Day 3 I was a little dizzy from all the action of Day 2.

Day 4 and 5 I began wondering if I was going to get the results I wanted from this workout.

And Day 6 was the end of my first week with no soreness, complaints or excuses.

I made it to Day 7 – the day of rest on this program. WooooSahhhhh!

I have to say that the first week gave me a motivational boost – I felt BADASS! I could so kick this kind of workout in the balls and run off laughing!

 

And then….

Day 8 came and I finally received the flipping DVDs in the mail. Yes, they were a week late!

So...

I began the Day “1” of the program’s fitness test and almost puked about 4 minutes in - then again at around the 10 and 15 minute marks. The fitness test was only 25 minutes long people – I sucked!

But whatever! I got through it – AND with my stomach intact!

On Day 9 I began Day 2’s actual 45 minute workout and I made it through the workout time – I didn’t make it through ALL of the exercises, but I began ALL of them – for a few seconds. I’ve never gone through a workout where I HOPED that I would pass out and have the excuse that I couldn’t finish!

Until Day 10 and workout Day 3! That morning I rolled out of bed in sections. Open eyes. Roll onto side. Sit up. Put legs on floor and hope they hold. Stand. Holy shit don’t faint and begin to walk. OMG! What the hell did I do!?

Finally the warmth kicked in and my muscles began to function some. Just enough to give me the confidence to survive 9 hours of work and the Day 3 workout. Well? Most of the Day 3 workout. This time I did puke! And convinced myself that it was just that much more weight shedding off my body.

When I woke up the next morning on Day 11, delirium set in.

Yep, I. am. a. dumbass.

I now fully comprehend that this workout is out of my present physical conditioning league, but fuck it! Now I’m pissed at myself and the stubborn pride that is in ME won’t let me quit. I am determined to get through these next 60 days, so that I can begin the workout again in 60 days at the fitness level I should REALLY be at before you begin a workout program like this one.  

Days 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 17 have been spent typing this post with my tongue - the only muscle that currently moves.

My keyboard is disgusting.

Perspective in the aftermath...

Our life would be boring and normal if it weren’t for our kids…fighting and eating skittles off the floor...

Who wants boring and normal anyway? Yuck!

 

 

I am madly in love with these three and not just because they’ll eat my cooking and then politely suggest ordering take-out next time.

 

 

 

 

 

Careers we love, great family and friends, a chaotic house and lots of alcohol! Life is wonderful my friends!

 

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

Insanity

It’s been pretty wild over here in K World.

Work has been crazy good busy, but it hasn’t been easy on “other” fronts.

I won’t go into details, because it would definitely project some hostile negative energy and I certainly don’t need that shit coming back to me! So moving on…

I’ve hit a plateau in my weight loss – meaning the scale is no longer moving. But that’s okay – this time around, I’m not freaking out and throwing things out the window!

I am however, beginning this workout tomorrow for 60 DAYS!  45 MINUTES A DAY - SIX DAYS A WEEK  - OY!

 

 

As if I didn’t have enough INSANITY going on in my life – this kind – I welcome with open arms. Because I probably won’t be able to move them again once I start…

An original piece...

Ode to the Moment
by: Kahla Kiker

I sit at this wood wondering what my purpose is

Knowing that I am destined for greatness

Typing, clicking, working the day away

Patiently waiting for my turn with politeness

Opportunity knocks for everyone to open

I hurdle over jealous bystanders to answer it

Without a positive attitude and the Law of Attraction

I would probably go balls crazy bat-shit.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I know my poetry skills are absolutely mesmerizing.

That's how I roll.

;-)

Parenting is HARD

Tonight I’m writing to the world, so I don’t commit any crimes upon one 16 year-old girl named Kaitlyn aka: Kitty!

Will this post make any sense? Hell no! But do you really care? It’s entertainment people…

You know how – as a parent – you think you have the best relationship with your DAUGHTER and then all of a sudden the sky turns black and the clouds form to make the skull face and you realize that the relationship might not be as open or the “best” you originally thought?

No?

Well screw you – it happens.

I have realized two things:

1.       My daughter is a teenager and there are just some things she doesn’t want to share with me. (…even though those things got her grounded for the rest of her life, her phone and her Hummer taken away and could have been completely avoided if she would have just asked for PERMISSION…I mean gosh! Asking for permission…what a fucking concept!)

2.       AND! that I should never question my parenting skills again, because as she gets older, she will DECIDE to make choices for herself and she has been taught that those choices come with consequences and that ultimately – IT’S HER CHOICE to make – good or bad. I can’t prevent my daughter from making bad choices in this circle of life, but as a parent I can damn well guarantee that she will think twice before repeating her stupid assed mistakes!  

Sadly, it has come to the point where – when she talks to me – I just want to hold up my middle finger and say “Stop there – wait a moment” and go get her father. But that’s not setting a really good example of communication, so I will avoid that response as best I can –-- no promises.

Parenting is HARD. What really sucks is when your child makes a bad choice and you start second guessing your parenting skills and wondering “where did I go wrong?” and then you realize that THIS WAS THEIR CHOICE and get mad all over again.

I want what’s best for my children. They are provided with a 1,000xs more than what is required of me legally.  Am I a helicopter parent hovering over my children ensuring their success? YES and I will never apologize for that action, but I am also a realist and extremely understanding! I was a teenager too! Shit!

I preach the Law of Attraction every day and my daughter knows that every bad decision will bring consequences. She knows negative thoughts create negativity in her life – thus getting in trouble.

But now, after going through the nervous stomach and discipline routine with her, I’m over here scratching my head wondering “who the fuck in this Universe did I piss off?”

 

Getting back to normal and leaving for vacation.

Since I've been exercising again, I can feel my mental depression lightening. I have promised myself that I will work on getting back to normal - well - MY normal.

I've posted this before, but this creed by Christian Larson is helping me!

One day a time...

 

courtesy of www.thesecret.tv

I will be leaving for vacation in a couple of days and my number one goal - aside from having an awesome time - is to come back weighing less than when I left!

Oh yeah! I'm on a mission to lose weight while on vacation - ANYTHING is possible! ;-)

...lying to myself

This post has taken me hours to start and finish. I cannot express how bittersweet the words that follow are to my heart.

I’ve been fighting depression pretty severely. A lot of it has to do with my weight.

Six weeks ago, they started a Biggest Loser Competition at my work. And of course I signed up. My starting weight was 224.6lbs! WHAT THE Fuhhh!!!

I couldn’t believe it. I kept telling myself that 40lbs must have been my boots, coat and the end of day water retention. There was no way that effing scale was correct.

I went home that night - after I sat in my car and cried for 45 minutes - and ate like it was my last meal and drank a BOTTLE of wine. Ok maybe two bottles. I kept going over and over why all of a sudden I weighed a number that I never thought was possible in my lifetime.

I knew I was gaining weight because I couldn’t fit into any of my clothes. My wardrobe became large coats, leggings and tunic shirts/dresses. Thank God it was winter and my wardrobe fit right in with the weather!

Depression set in and I had been ignoring myself for months.

The very next morning, I got on the scale – hung-over. This is what it screamed back at me.

 

I sat on the edge of the bed and cried again - 222.2lbs! I officially weighed more than my husband.

He wouldn’t care, he doesn’t care. He’s the type of man that would love me no matter what I weighed as long as I was happy and confident. He’s one in a million and I’ve pushed him away because I am embarrassed.

I’m embarrassed because I. Know. Better.

I let every excuse into my life. EVERY EXCUSE. Ironically, the next few days at work we were put on Biggest Loser teams and we needed to come up with a team name. I didn’t hesitate to offer my opinion and TEAM NO EXCUSES was born.

 

 

It’s been 6 weeks and I’ve lost 24lbs!

As I stepped on the scale this morning I realized that if it wasn’t for my team and the support that I have been giving and getting, I would have let the depression take over and would be sitting here at probably 240lbs!

I’m still depressed, but I’m consciously aware of it and I’m taking the right mental attitude to slowly draw me out.  This has been my mantra over the last couple weeks.

 

 

I never thought I would have the courage to post my weight on here, but if I don’t hold myself accountable for my depression, bad choices and unhealthy lifestyle, then no one will. I can no longer keep lying to myself. These pictures are my reality, no matter which words come out of my mouth. I can’t ignore my health problems and I can’t keep being pissed off at the world because I’ve manifested my own unhappiness!

 I’m a work in progress…for the better.

 Six weeks ago, my weight had me crying and drinking wondering what the hell happened. Today my weight is bittersweet because although I absolutely hated weighing in at 224.6lbs!!!!!! I feel grateful for the wake-up call that is my life. And as much as I loved seeing that 198lb mark on the scale today, I have to bid it adieu too.

Back when I started blogging I was trying to lose weight and get healthier. I weighed 178lbs! That puts things into perspective for me. I was 20lbs lighter and I still thought I was fat. Boy has my head been screwed up!

All in all I am grateful. I am grateful because one day soon, when I start personal training again I can honestly say to my clients “I’ve been there” (“and there, and there, and there!”) – Oh and I’m grateful that I no longer weigh more than my husband! WooHoo!

 

  

A night out.

I write in my head ALL. THE. TIME.

I wish there were a wireless device that could be attached to my head and automatically write out my thoughts to words and create & upload my blog posts electronically for me. That would be great. I would probably have 3 posts a day!

It’s no secret that here in K World we eat out A LOT!

So today, I invite you to experience  dinner with my family...in pictures.

We'll start off with wrestling and playing in the waiting area.

 

 

Look at me mom...I'm being good! I didn't just throw sushi at my th'isters!

 

 

Followed by: Seeeeee??? I'm being good. (He doesn't realize that daddy can't protect him from my anger!)

Dinner wouldn't be complete without a snowman.

 

And fire! BYE-BYE snowman!

 

This is the face I get when I tell the girls that we need to go to the store afterwards and they know they have pissed me off with their whining and complaining.

 

 

 

 

So what follows is their payback for making them go to the store with me!

 

 

 

 

She informed me - VERY LOUDLY - that one was bigger than the other...

 

 

Yes there are people walking around everywhere and they are sword fighting with zucchini! I just snapped the picture like I was some bystander in the store that couldn't believe what I was seeing.

 

There's nothing like ending the night with penis shapped food being poked into your cheek.  This kid is VERY lucky I love her!

I couldn't take it anymore - I sent their asses to the car!

Ahhhh... memories....

 

I succeeded - but not with quantity.

Okay, here it is. The closet update. I got through it, I survived and I succeeded.

Well on everything but quantity.

I could not stick to the 45 items per category. I tried really REALLY hard.

But whatever - baby steps.

Here are my before pictures and you can see why it took several episodes of walking to my closet ready for work and then turning around very quickly and walking away.

It was overwhelming to say the least.

When I finally ventured in, I realized if this was going to be accomplished, I would need a strategy. So, I decided to start in the middle. Then slowly everything was moved into my living room to help give me working/cleaning room in my closet.

Yes, this really happened on Sunday afternoon.

These are just MY clothes people! So you can see why I was having trouble narrowing 7 categories down to 45 items a piece.

Even though I wasn't successful in quantity, I was successful in donating this pile of clothes that would have crushed Kade if it decided to avalanche near him! It was taller than my bar and 5 feet wide!

Look! It's much better! I mean I have 4 feet of cleared space just for my luggage now!

But alas! I now have a clean and de-cluttered closet that could still use some more work. The problem isn't all the way cured.

But that reality? might never be satisfied. I am currently looking for a new home with a bigger closet!

Oy!

Closet Weekend Warrior Update

I thought I would take a small minute to update everyone on my closet cleaning and de-cluttering necessity.

THIS SUCKS!

I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I have only separated the non-hanging clothes and I have about a 100 pieces for each category - ALREADY!

I will keep pushing through - but I can't guarantee anything at this moment.

I hyperventilated...but I will just have to get over it.

You know how research shows that we only wear about 20% of the clothing we own? Well you can increase that amount for me up to at least 50-60% given the frequency in which I do laundry!  Sadly, I am not afraid to donate my clothes and often find myself ordering the girls to pack up 5 or 6 trash bags full of clothes I throw on the floor.

So what’s the problem?

 I am STILL busting at the seams and feel an overwhelming – out of control – energy EVERY time I walk into my closet. It’s beyond ridiculous!

 

I thought if I went through my 165 pairs of shoes and gave away over half of them I would be good since they tend to accumulate in piles on the floor. But NO! It hasn’t helped as much as I had hoped. It’s time to get serious about de-cluttering and simplifying my closet!

I posted on Facebook the request for someone – anyone – to give me a number from 1-100 and this would be my determining figure on how much of each category (tops, pants, athletic, jackets, t-shirts, pjs & dresses) to keep.

Well the first number that popped up was 5 – FIVE! For a minute I thought “okay – fuck this, never mind!” and then I received several more answers shortly afterward. So I have decided to average the answers and it has come out to 45. Okay, that is 45 items per category and there are 7 categories. That will give me, in theory, 315 pieces of clothing - TOTAL.

I hyperventilated a little bit, because last time I did laundry the girls counted how many shirt hangers and how many pant hangers I would need and the results were 182 and 85. MY LAUNDRY! I don’t know how long I waited in between washings, but I do know that my closet was still busting at the seams with clothes hanging up! If I had to guess how many pieces of clothing I owned, I would have to guess anywhere from 2-3 thousand - easy! So you can see why 315 pieces make me anxious.

But I will just have to get over it!

I need less stress and this will help me! And maybe I will create enough room that I can do yoga in my closet! It’s large and there’s enough space, but most important of all it’s QUIET!

My goal is to tackle it this weekend. If I succeed without having a nervous breakdown I will post before and after pics.

Do you wear all of the clothes you own?