Soap and a Penis

Last night I posted on Facebook that apparently the bath soap I buy has to pass the “penis” test! Yes, you read that correctly!


See, picture this:

This is one of my favorite soaps on the market today. It is Aveda’s all natural Rosemary Mint bath soap and the smell is absolutely orgasmic AND it can be yours for $12 at Joe James’ Salon and Day Spa! I mean who wouldn’t want their body parts smelling minty fresh? I do! But, here’s the situation. This soap is also an exfoliate soap, which means that it isn’t the smoothest soap in the world – I love it!

I am also absolutely in love with Soaptopia’s all natural soaps! If I had the money, I would open up the first franchise of Soaptopia in Texas! I would have a little soap boutique and be extremely happy!!!

Sorry, I digress…

Back to my Aveda soap…

One of Mr. Strong’s guilty pleasures is actually taking bubble baths…shhhh…you didn’t hear that from me. The other night in his super hot and relaxing bubble bath he yelled for me to get him some soap. I walked in and told him that the soap is right next to his shoulder. He explained to me that “that is not soap! That shit is too rough!”

Rough?

Seeing the perplexed look on my face, he then began to explain that the all natural soap that I bought doesn’t lather like the old soap and it can’t be used on his penis because it is scratchy!

Hmmmm? Really?

Yes ladies, let me inform you that after 17-1/2 years of marriage, I am just now learning that the soap I buy has to pass the “penis” test!

So, how does the soap actually pass the test?

Here is the most important information of all and why soap is a man’s best friend:

Mr. Strong’s Soap Rules to Pass the Penis Test

1. It cannot be an exfoliate soap. If it cannot be applied directly to the penis for washing without pain and grimacing from its roughness – don’t buy it. (Ladies, if he does use it, be warned that his pain – according to him – can only be taken away “if you kiss it better!”)

2. It has to lather! If you cannot rub it between your hands and get a good lather for washing then don’t buy it! (apparently lather is important because it makes the ACTION of cleaning hinder free. wink…wink)

3. It can’t be a drying soap because smooth and soft skin – over the whole body – is just as important to men. (I mean, who wants a dry crusty penis right? Ewww!)

So, there you go!

Next time you go to the store in charge of buying soap – remember those rules if you are married or have a male companion. Or, do what I am going to do next time Mr. Strong is yelling at me to bring him “the right” soap – act like I can’t hear him and run away to the other room!

Toodles!

Signs and Day 1...

Have you ever stopped to really listen to the Universe? Have you ever really noticed the signs telling you what you need to hear?

Well I have! And boy did they ring in loud and clear over the weekend.

Case in point:

As I was trying to put together this wall shelf over the weekend, my frustration mounted into yelling and screaming at the kids and I might have thrown the instructions a time or two. Then all of a sudden the metal pole ricocheted and hit/cut me over the left eye leaving me in pain and crying.

Sign 1 from the Universe: "Take that! Do I have your attention now?! Chill out, calm down,  and quit taking your anger out on everyone around you! "

This morning after another mostly sleepless night I woke up hungry. Nothing sounded good for breakfast except some hot, fresh, salt and peppered, Whataburger french fries! Yum! So I pulled into Whataburger order me some and as I went to get some and stick them in my mouth, they were the stale, cold, flimsy and soggy! And if you know me, I CAN NOT eat stale, cold, flimsy and soggy french fries! Yes, I was pist!

Sign 2 from the Universe: "How do those taste? You keep bitching about your weight and your clothes not fitting, so here! Let me help you out, since you obviously didn't have the will power to stay out of the drive-thru!"

As much as I would like to bitch-slap the Universe across the face for inflicting physical and emotion wounds on me - all I can say is Thank You!

I see the light...

In addition to my weekend of signs - and those weren't the only ones - I signed the contract to have my kitchen remodeled - beginning today. WooHoo! Like I am not stressed enough!!!!

But, this remodel is going to go smoothly, the work will be high quality and precise and it will run in such a timely manner that it will be best for both parties. I am super excited to finally be opening up my kitchen to the living room!!!!! (doing the cabbage patch...running man...sprinkler...watch out now!) I have wanted this for YEARS people, YEARS!

Here are some pictures from Day 1's work:

Here we go! (And no I do not mean "we" as is me or Mr. Strong.)

WOOHOO!

You can't really tell it, but my breakfast bar will be 12-1/2 feet long!



New Rock Fireplace

 More exciting pictures to come. This will be a short work week and we are leaving town for the holiday, so to everyone out there that has wanted something for YEARS - it is your turn to make it happen! Good luck and if you don't hear from me before Thursday have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

MUUUUWAHHHHH!

The Giving Tree

Today is a late post.


I am late because well? Frankly, I have been in a crappy mood due to my spoilt, unappreciative children. Yes, I know they are my fault, so please reframe from any snide comments or what you think might be helpful tips because I might just have to result to verbal violence. Mmmkay?

Anywhoozle, like I wrote, I was in a terrible mood. I have been feeling mounting pressure from all sides of my life and I just want to scream “I CAN’T DO IT ALL!!!”

Then today at work, we received our Ornaments from the Giving Tree. My company sponsors a tree every year and I pick out 5 children (1 for each of us) that is in need of 2 gifts for Christmas. My children will give up asking for two of their gifts in place of buying two gifts for another child. I am trying to teach them that giving IS a gift to yourself!

Looking at these ornaments breaks my heart because I know that these children and hundreds more will not be with their families or have been removed from a hostile environment and will be among strangers for the holidays. I hate it.

But I LOVE the fact that I have the means to provide some unexpected happiness and joy to children. I wish I could take every ornament that is created every year and provide each child with their Christmas wishes, but alas, I can’t afford that YET!

Last year I wrote a post that included this about my children and believing in Santa Claus:

“Santa Claus is a Christmas spirit. He is a spiritual energy that can make miracles happen. You can’t use your own perspective when it comes to Santa. You have to open your imagination across the entire globe and know that Santa’s are at work everywhere. Do you realize that because YOU BOTH decided to buy 2 presents for children that are in dire need of a Christmas miracle and wish, they will be waking up to presents under the tree this year in a stranger’s house – just for them!? Do you think that for one instant, they will think their parents put them there? You are the Santa Claus that will bring the excitement and joy to a small child that has otherwise been in a very bad situation. Do you realize that because of your giving nature this holiday season, you ARE Santa Claus to that child? You might not be there in person to see him or her open their gifts, but you can feel their happiness through how you felt when you opened your presents and it was EXACTLY what you wanted. You are their Christmas miracle – you are the reason that gives a child HOPE that life can be fantastic! That is what Santa Claus is all about. That is why Santa Claus is so important to believe in - in your life for evermore. “

I hope my children never forget this. I hope when I take these ornaments home, my children find the appreciation and gratitude I know they have possessed – somewhere deep, deep, down in their black loving souls.

Today…because I can help make a few Christmas wishes come true…I found tear-jerking thankfulness and joy.

If you are out and about between now and Christmas and you come across a tree filled with children's ornaments? "may you find the finances and willingness to make a child's Christmas wish come true!"
 
And if you are reading this and own a company? I challenge you to sponsor a whole tree - because as I've written before and 100% believe in, the pureness of genuine giving will be multiplied back to you in magnificent ways!
 
I give because it puts a smile on someone's face and joy in my heart!

Insert sarcasm voice here...

Okay, today I am just going to get right to the point.

I was going to blog about the past few days- my anniversary - the girls' tennis tournament - Doodlebug's birthday - my awesome diet & exercise day yesterday - but hell no! I don't have time.

I don't have time.

After a long, mostly sleepless night, I woke up to an email asking ME to get this, and this, and this, and this, and that! Then I had to get this, and this, and this, and that, done for the girls. Not to mention, this, and this, and this, and that, done for the house. And to top it all off - I got on the scale today and and immediately had the urge to throw that fucker against the wall for lying! Yes, my scale lies - in my mind...

WTF!

Insert sarcasm voice here...really get excited when you read these lines! mmmkay?

Okay, yes I will stop everything that is backed up on my desk, home and life to get you what you have every access to obtain!

Yes, please let me stop what I am doing to make your life, work, and stress -wonderful, reduced and minimized! OH BOY!

I feel so blessed that I can do everything for everyone at every freaking moment of the day without appreciation, recognition or assistance! Yippeee!

No, I don't want to scream at you to bite my ass and do it yourself!

No, I don't want to yell "ARE YOU A FU@KING IDIOT?!"

No, I don't want to run away crying because I NEED HELP JUST TO HELP YOUR ASS!


GRRRRRR SMILING :-)!

_______________________

Okay - meltdown accomplished.

Back to reality...I feel better now.

WOOOOOSAHHHHHH!

Mental Notes and Musings

Sooooooooo

• I think I officially weigh more than a Biggest Loser contestant. What does that mean? Nothing – I’ve almost convinced myself that I am 3 feet taller than that person, so it doesn’t matter.

Right?

• I have not had an “official” vacation from work this year. I’m going stir-crazy! I think it’s time to run away to a nude beach and feel good about myself again. Not because I will go nude, but because I will learn to appreciate my body from seeing other people that are way bigger than I am sporting their nudity like a super model. And, maybe I will get lucky and see my future breast on some hot international model - this way I can take a picture for my doctor… ;-)

• My closet is busting at the seams! Literally! I need to take a vacation just to clean my closet – it’s beyond ridiculous, but I am expressing my gratitude for every piece of clothing, shoes and whatever else that I have been able to buy myself! I don’t think I can begin to explain how cram-packed it really is. I found a bag of clothes that I bought 2 months ago and forgot that I had even bought them – now that is baaaaaaad!

• It’s no secret that I love my job! I have the best job in the world for my current situation. (Go me….cabbage patch, running man!) But! Lately, I have been feeling that “lack” again in my personal life, like I should be contributing more to helping people help themselves – namely, me! I think it has something to do with the beautiful weather we have been having here after one of the hottest summers on record – I am itching to experience some nature again!

• We have a 5k, tennis tournament, anniversary and Doodlebug’s birthday this weekend and I am already exhausted just thinking about it all. *sigh*

• I went back and read some of my older posts yesterday and can I write that damn! I inspired myself! I officially want a treadmill in my office now (or somewhere close). I have been told that I would need new electrical circuits to handle the current, but really? I’m not sure if I believe that…why would my home be able to accommodate a treadmill but not my “commercial” office? Hmmm? Research needed. Then again, my employer pays for a gym membership, so maybe I just need to take my butt there…

Hmmm? I’ll think about all these things more while I’m lying in the tanning bed at lunch…

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction Page is up!
Yay!
Finally!



May the energies of positive thinking be returned to you 10-fold!

Multiple Personalities

Yes, this would be me! I have multiple personalities and I am proud of it!

It's no surprise to you? lol. You must read my blog...

I'm not talking about a mental sickness people - I'm sure some of you would disagree - but those people can bite me!

World? Let me introduce myself…

By day I am Corporate:

By night I am High Fashion:

And the weekends? Well you will find me as Fitness, Casual Chic or sometimes just plain – Plain:

I love the confidence I get from a freshly pressed business suit; I love the sexiness I feel from a short dress and sky-high stilettos; I love the relief of workout clothes and tennis shoes and I love the comfort of worn out jeans and the convenience of a baseball cap!


I am all of these women rolled into one! Unfortunately, in my personal life, most people who know me know me only in one aspect. My co-workers know me only as Corporate or Fitness. My close friends know me as High Fashion or Casual Chic, and my shooting buddies? Well they know me only as Plain!

And Mr. Strong? Well he knows me as all of these women and he loves every little conservative, avant-garde, naughty, nice, uncomfortable and comfortable personality that I have!

So what prompted this post today? The HOLIDAYS!!!

Yes, party after party where I can finally put my High Fashion personality on display and feel sexier than "hell" in designer clothes and SHOES! WhoHoo!!!!!!!

Yep - It’s been a pleasure meeting you!

(I think I need some artificial sunlight, so my white legs don't take the attention away from the AWESOME dresses and shoes I am going to buy!!!! EEEEE! )

Tidbit...

Hey did y'all know I am finally "google-able"? Hell yeah baby! WhoHoo! Yay!

The girls and I are getting ready for a big tennis weekend. Kitty has to keep playing in the USTA tournaments to win the points needed to graduate to the US Open qualifying tournaments!

Oy!

...my little girl playing in the US Open...?

Yep...I think I can live with that!

Go out and do something uncharacteristically awesome for yourself or for someone else this weekend! I dare you!

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

Muah!

Charitable Hump Day

For the first time in a long time I got on the scale this morning and was happy.


Happy about what the number read and happy that I didn’t have the repeated urge to put the scale under the back tire of the HUMMER and run over it yelling “What do I weigh now biatch!? Huh? Huh?”

I’m still not completely well yet, so running is out of the question for a couple more days.

And you know what? I’m okay with that – I still know that I will finish this year out strong!

AND, I just need a few more photos and my website will be published and up and running! Yay!

This morning…I am happy.

Today…I am grateful.

So to encourage some lasting longevity of my good mood, today will be Charitable Hump Day.

(And NO, Mr. Strong – “hump day” does not mean the literal act of humping! ;-) xoxo)

Today holds a multitude of possibilities in the charitable department and not all of them require money.

For example(s) I might:

Give a bigger tip today.

Give encouragement to those around me.

Give someone a gift for no reason.

Buy coffee or lunch for some stranger.

Give a smile, compliment or kindness to someone.

Even though I am still a little drugged up on cold/sinus medicine and don’t feel 100% well yet, today is going to be a good day! And, as you have read before: “Send out some positive/charitable energy and the Universe will send it back!” The Law of Attraction never fails!

Soooooo, what will you do today to increase your happiness?

Life, Work and Travel

It's been almost a freaking month since I posted!

Ummmm? WTH is wrong with me?

Nothing - it's been a whole shitload of life, work and travel!

Well, I am back and more present than usual.

Why?

Because I am down some lbs - mainly because I have been sick with a sinus head cold and swollen tonsils.

Because I have finished the HUGE work project that has had me living on my computer 24/7.

Because I have conquered (just got back from) this years National Sporting Clays Championship and retained my title of Ladies SxS Champion! (oh yeah, go me... doing the cabbage patch...it's my birthday.)

Because after all the stress and mania and multiple personalities that I have been know to display lately, this man (Mr. Strong) remains by my side. Oh and FYI - this was one of his BEST Nationals Sporting Clays Championships ever! He did great!




Yum.







See the shell eject? Great shot! Way cool!!!!


No - you will not find any pictures of me......yet!

For now...It's time to keep this blog updated and to get my website completed!!!!!

I'm totally slacking!