To write my life is crazy is an understatement. I try to juggle EVERYTHING - career, family and home. And most of the time, I succeed, but lately, I have had this overwhelming feeling of needing to leave and escape.
Seriously people! I have been thinking about running away - leaving everything for Mr. Strong to handle - because I have been at a point where I would voluntarily go into a mental hospital for the "rest"!
Mental exhaustion has taken it's toll!
Okay, so maybe I have lost 20 of the 35lbs I gained, but I don't feel any healthier because I haven't done it working out. It's been diet and the lack thereof.
My endorphins have been vacationing without me and I don't care - I just want to go to sleep.
After a mini-breakdown and a really long conversation with Mr. Strong he decided that he would take the kids 2 days during the week and "handle" their schedules, so I would have time for me.
Mondays and Thursdays...
Yesterday was Monday...
I didn't workout like I wanted due to "other" items that needed my attention - dentist and work!
This morning while Mr. Strong was leaving I literally rolled out of bed and onto my spinning bike.
Picture this:
Hair looking like Amy Winehouse's, pajama pants, t-shirt (no bra!), socks and slippers. I just left the lights off...
It was cold and I didn't have the energy to change clothes or put on my shoes. The only thing I did was put on the top that goes to my sauna suit. I figured since I didn't have that much time, I would sweat and burn as many calories as fast as possible.
I started pedaling. Every joint creaked and my muscles screamed at me to stop. Five minutes in, I was panting already - ALREADY! My ass and my thigh muscles were reacting like I had never been on a spin bike before. I almost jumped back into my bed and said "fuck this!"
But I didn't. I told myself, 20-25 minutes is all I have to complete - I CAN DO THIS. My body was reacting a bit differently. Somewhere around minute 12 I told myself silently - "Damn! I should have put on a bra!"
By minute 15 I had a pretty good groove going and I was starting to feel my ass burn. So what did I do? I increased my tension and stood up! My attitude was to give it all I had, but it lasted for about 5 seconds. I didn't mind the tension and my thighs were burning, but my boobs wouldn't cooperate. Standing up created entirely too much "boob" movement!
The whole first 20 minutes SUCKED! I thought I was in better shape than what my body was screaming back at me.
Around minute 21 I figured out that I didn't quit at 20 minutes and I was proud of myself. I knew I had only 4 minutes left. (Because 25 minutes was the exact amount of "extra" time I had in order to get ready for work on time...)
At 22 minutes I was sweating and I knew that in just one more minute, I could start a 2 minute cool down. When I hit 23 minutes out of nowhere appeared a lump in my throat. You know that kind of lump when you are watching a really good movie and the happy tears are building because you know something great is about to happen?
I guess my endorphins returned from vacation somewhere around minute 24 because happy tears began to run down my cheeks. Not many, but enough to FEEL life's energy return to my spirit.
Screw the mental hospital and Psyche medications. Give me the ability to workout and write and suddenly I am headed toward a total body healing.
This morning in the shower I realized that life is about balance. If you can find some time EVERY day to take care of yourself, then you won't be looking for a divorce or mental hospital to help you escape your life.
May you all find your time!
Take it from me, it might suck, but the results can produce happy tears!
Thank you for sharing! I too had reached that point...now, I go to the gym every day! Sometimes I make myself, other days I look forward to it...needless to say, the days I look forward to it are MWF...the days the girls are at home! Lol! Leery me know when you do go back and I will try to join you. I make myself go on T, Th just so I won't go spend money! Lol!
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